Today, we are lucky enough to have the internet and easy access to video chatting, instant messaging and even long distance touch bracelets (gotta love technology, right?). But it seems that despite all of that, it’s still incredibly hard to be away from the one you love.
For many people it feels like the beginning of the end for their relationship, but I assure you it doesn’t have to be.
As someone that’s in the midst of maneuvering her way through a long-distance relationship, I thought I’d share my tips for making a long-distance relationship work.
Are you going to video chat every night for an hour? Maybe, but probably not.
Life is busy and time escapes us quicker than we expect it to. Setting realistic goals, such as a phone call every Friday night or a video chat once or twice a month are probably more reasonable intentions for you and your distant companion.
With the above said, making sure the two of you are on the same page on how this long-distance romance is going to work is incredibly important. Questions such as “how often are we going to talk on the phone?” and “how frequently are we going to travel to visit each other?” are a couple of key questions that are important to ask your partner.
Having conflicting expectations is just a bumpy road trip to disappointment. And totally ripe for miscommunication, a road we all want to avoid. Especially us long-distancers!
Whether you’re doing long distance from the get-go of your relationship or the two of you are going to schools in different provinces/states/countries after a few years of dating, having a strong, stable, secure relationship from the beginning will set you up for success. Like singer Maren Morris says in her song The Bones, “when the bones are good, the rest don’t matter” - and it sings true!
Cliché or not, a relationship built on trust, communication and respect for each other's wants and needs will make for smooth sailing with all that distance between the two of you. Of course, creating a strong foundation within a relationship requires a lot of self-work as well! Working on your own insecurities and fears is half the battle.
Like I’ve said before, and as I’m sure many of us know, life easily gets away from us. So, planning out when the two of you will see each other next is also great for keeping your spirits high.
If there’s an end date in sight for when you will travel to see each other or speak on the phone, you have something to look forward to instead of zeroing in on all of those long, lonely nights ahead of you (cue the sad, dramatic music).
On that same note, carve out time for a date night or day out together for when you do see each other in person. Planning these things ahead of time gives you lots to look forward to. It’s fun to think about and plan out all of the things you want to do together!
If time together in person are moments that happen few and far between, don’t fret, there are still things you can do together even when you’re apart. Netflix and chill can still happen, especially with chrome’s extension Netflix Party. It saves you the hassle and automatically synchronizes your videos! Plus you can chat about who’s who in the show.
Communication when things get rough is hard. Trust me, I’ve been there. But taking the time to let your partner know when something isn’t working for you is so important.
We’re all human. Fear, insecurity, and frustration are all normal things we can feel in a relationship, especially so when you add distance into the mix. I know it may sound silly, but good communication takes time and practice. Your partner isn’t a mind reader, so if you want something fixed, you’re going to have to spit it out (and talk it out!).
All it takes is a simple “I’m going to be slammed at work today, I’ll text you when I’m home” text to relieve your partner of the frustration and worry of ignored messages. To make it even simpler, knowing each other's work or school schedules and keeping each other up to date on other important details can save a lot of heartache. Most of us have our phones attached to our hands, so constant communication should be easy, right?
Unfortunately not.
And good conversation shouldn’t be squeezed in between assignments or work calls, or Netflix watching.
While doing long distance can be an exciting, eye-opening journey for some, being in the same place as your partner is probably the end goal for most of us. I know I’m counting down the days (roughly 417 days if you were wondering!).
I can’t imagine going down this path without an end date in sight. If you've found the right human for you, the idea of being together consistently should be beyond exciting!
The first weekend that my partner came to visit me after we started doing long-distance, I remember saying to him just before he was about to leave, “I’m so lucky I have someone to miss this much.” And I really meant that.
Though I wouldn’t complain about being able to spend every waking minute with him, I am truly so lucky to have a person that I get to confide in, smother with love, spend time with (virtually or otherwise), and miss immensely. And I hope that anyone who’s preparing for or in the middle of doing long-distance takes a moment to think about that.
As Dee King once said, “Love will travel as far as you let it. It has no limits.”
Preach Dee, preach.
